Who Is Already At The Table?

The hidden secret of leadership is the balance of intentional giving and receiving. You need both to succeed at the table.

Some people get lucky and end up with a manager who cares about their progress and constantly finds ways to teach them new things so they get better and better and progress faster, intentionally and consistently. Some even get a Sponsor (a person already at the table who actively promotes you and your skills for more opportunities within the organisation, community or social circle).

I wish I could say that I have been actively supported from above but the truth is that for most of my career (and my other endeavours) I was not. Naturally, I had to figure out how to ensure that I grow regardless of who I was reporting to or the circumstances I found myself in. The truth is no one is coming to save you. At the same time, many will help if you ask for it.

One story that changed what I knew about leadership… 

Early in my career, I made a big mistake in sending an email with confidential information to the wrong distribution list. Nearly in tears, I turned to the MD (who happen to be available) not knowing what to expect and shared the problem. To my astonishment, after acknowledging that it was not good, he picked up the phone and ran every single person on that list asking them to delete the email. When he finished, he said that they probably would still read it, but they gave him their word to remove the correspondence.

That was it. No sign of disapproval or disappointment with me personally, just understanding and a warm supporting hand all the way through until it was fixed. This episode completely changed my understanding and definition of leadership. I could see he knew it too. I learnt something that day that I will never forget – when you see someone down, you never kick them, you give them your hand and help them rise and save their face. I also learnt that day how powerful it is to have relationships with most senior people in any organisation…

A great leader is one who inspires you to become a better version of yourself, helps you grow and makes you feel that you can. It does not have to be your manager.
 

So here are my thoughts: 

1. Great leaders are rare, and the odds that you will end up with one as your manager are slim (even with more and more leadership training in every business right now)
2. We call leaders who intentionally help us grow Mentors
3. It is your job to FIND ONE, BE ONE, and help YOUR manager to BECOME ONE

On why you’d want to become a mentor to someone:

Being a mentor is not easy. It requires a consistent daily effort of self-control, patience and the ability to take risks with other people. At the same time, it is well worth the reward of a joint accomplishment, the trust and connection created in the process, as well as surrounding yourself with capable people to delegate important things to. So, yes, you should do it and, yes, others will be happy to do it for you. 
 

Three stages of a mentoring relationship that will create opportunities and convert Mentors into Sponsors

[A personal reflection on what people I helped grow did right or totally missed, and what helped or stopped me from making the most out of mentoring relationships myself]
 

Stage 1. Pick your person to emulate. Ask around what that person’s top strengths are. Select one of their top skills that will help you move to your next career level in that organisation. Tell your mentor that people praise them for this particular ability and you would like them to help you to master it. Then ask what else they think it takes to be successful here. I would even go one step further and suggest booking 30 min each fortnight or 1 hr every month to reflect on your progress and select your next priority. I would also make sure that your time with them is booked out in their calendar for the next 6 months. Go in prepared with great questions and interesting stories or social puzzles from your department they can only learn from you. [You can use my Communication Toolkit to work out what to say]

Stage 2. Make sure they see your progress, understand how they contribute to it, and talk about it with others when you are not at the table. If you successfully take and apply their direction within your role and objectives, your mentor will naturally become your sponsor. 

 
Stage 3. Make them feel proud of what they help you achieve. Make sure they know exactly what it is. This way you both will appreciate the relationship and create progress as a team. Remember, we love what we help grow. If you want someone to really care about you, they need to invest in you first. Make your success theirs.
 
 

A word of caution

Pick your mentors wisely, you have to invest time into this relationship to create an opportunity of a lifetime. Make sure they are intelligent, well respected, well connected and have a bunch of skills you deeply admire and want to possess. It’s a bonus if you know that they already helped someone before with a tangible result. Money and careers come and go but time moves in one direction, life is too short to waste it on unworthy projects. Relationships are a type of investment. Results do not come immediately, they need time for the gain to materialise. Define what you want at the end and check your odds of getting it before you start.
 

Go on, work on the person you want to become.

• Start a journal of what you learn as you live. Reflections are where the growth is. I do it weekly.
• What do you want more of? What do you need to do differently? Where is the progress?
• Watch for the outliers. What was not so usual this week? Is there a principle you can use for yourself to increase your intelligence, application of knowledge or quality of life?

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